"It made me think of you," she says.
She slips it in my hand, where,
hard and plastic, it sits there
like a log, looking up at me.
"Thanks?" I wonder at it,
the multi-colored, 3D-printed slug
hard and plastic, it sits there
like a log, looking up at me.
"Thanks?" I wonder at it,
the multi-colored, 3D-printed slug
Thoughts swarm my brain
filling a mental venn diagram with
words like lazy and plain
and gross and slow and
who even spends time thinking
about slugs, anyway?
Curling like a worm,
it folds between my fingers.
Its body zigs and zags
as light catches the plastic,
shiny green with hints of gold
The colors tug a memory:
she once noted, lovingly, how
my eyes shine green with golden rings.
The little slug's soft clicks
make the silence less alone...
The sunlight off the plastic shines
with warmth of being known,
and walking home, I realize that
"I thought of you" means we live
in lives that aren't our own
and walking home, I realize that
"I thought of you" means we live
in lives that aren't our own
(revised February 5, 2025)
good job aliza! what a beautiful poem. I love how a small plastic slug means so much more than that. the development from negative associations to positive associations to the epiphany at the end is interesting. ""I thought of you" means we live/in lives that aren't our own"- powerful.
ReplyDeleteI noticed that last stanza does not have punctuation, whereas the rest does- is that intentional?
Aliza, I love how you were able to take something so small and express how much it actually means so well. The line "Who even spends time thinking about slugs anyway?" also is just really cute and real. But then as you go into a deeper description of the slug and the narrator's memory is triggered it suddenly gets really sweet. Of course, the major epiphany comes at the end, but I also love the line right before that "I thought of you" means we live in lives that aren't our own" is just so good!
ReplyDeletethis is so good. like really good. I love the idea and the "moral of the story" and that it's told in this way. with a slug. You also do a great job in actually connecting the two seemingly opposite thoughts. I've seen some poems or stories that have tried to merge two things that would normally make no sense together and it really just seems far fetched or like it's reaching. But you did such a good with it. I wanted to stand up and applaud. really good job. my only critique is that I got a little confused with the rhyme scheme. I couldn't tell if it was supposed to rhyme but then sometimes it did and then other times not. So that is my only other thought.
ReplyDeletefantastic job!
I love your descriptions of the slug, and how that evolves into an understanding of what the gift actually means. The narrators initial reaction to the slug was also very real, you didn't describe an actual thought, but a series of small reactions and key words. I really liked the conclusion you came to at the end of the poem as well.
ReplyDelete