We stood proudly below, alone but side-by-side
Too small to even climb it by ourselves,
we held it for each other, taking turns until our hands were sore and raw
We scaled the building by the water fountain, shimmying up electrical boxes and ignoring the adults who told us to get down
We knew better, we were safe, we were together — who needs friends when you have a brother?
We spent hours in the cabinet above our closet, inlaid with nap mats and the sounds of pretend
Looking back, we spent a lot of time climbing
Now you're drafting
And when I meet your high school classmates, they say being your sister is my claim to fame
I pretend that I'm offended
but secretly I'm proud
to see how high you've climbed, even if it means I'm left behind
The form of this poem is interesting. Some lines are long and read like prose lines in a story, while others, such as the lovely final line, read like poetry. I like how the most important lines are the most poetic. That's fitting, and this is a generous and engaging poem. My suggestion is to play around with the lines more. Consider going all in on the prose or perhaps mixing prose and poetry more overtly, mixing paragraphs alongside shorter lines. Could be an interesting effect.
ReplyDeleteThis poem was so sweet, and you did such a great job of depicting the special bond between siblings. My favorite part was the last four lines, but especially the even if I'm left behind. To me that line says a lot about growing up and sometimes apart whether geographically or emotionally.
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