Words itch beneath your skin, trying to break free
Stop drowning your mind if you want the poetry to breathe
Stop shoving music through your ears like conch shells do the sea
Just cut the words loose. But you're too afraid to bleed
Stop drowning your mind if you want the poetry to breathe
Stop shoving music through your ears like conch shells do the sea
Just cut the words loose. But you're too afraid to bleed
Walking in the world, you remember what it's like to breathe
Humanity dances, painting the canvas of earth
In each other's arms, vulnerable lovers are unafraid to bleed
Their smiles and softness prove that they value their worth
Alone in your room, though, you can't paint the canvas of earth
You've no pretty colors; your palette is messy and gray
Try as you might, you struggle to value your worth
And sit there in silence, unmoving, with nothing to say
Today the dripping sky is messy and gray
It's not like the moon, shining silvery way up above
You wish for once that you had something to say
To smother the silence, to fill the world with words made of love
I hope you know that I'm with you, though I'm way up above
If you knew that, maybe you wouldn't yearn to break free
I hope that they find you, my words made of love
And when they do, they hold you, like conch shells do the sea
I'm looking forward to discussing this tomorrow in class and will share my comments with you then. I did want to note that I love how your blog is set up, so that all of the poems are visible from the main page without clicking on them. Also, the formatting looks great. I want to briefly discuss blog format in class as well tomorrow. Nice job.
ReplyDeletethank you for publishing this! the first stanza is compelling, the readers feels drawn in immediately. I love the music of "like conch shells do the sea" and I was pleasantly surprised to hear it again at the end-- I was not expecting it. I was a bit confused in the last stanza about who or where the narrator is, "I'm way up above" who is speaking here? (the moon?). The last stanza has a different feel and flow than the previous ones. Good work :)
ReplyDeleteI admire that your lines always feel spontaneous and very natural. Sometimes I lose the strict feeling of a pantoum and the continuity of ideas throughout the poem.
ReplyDeleteThe poem is meta! I think that’s what it is,, meta? Anyway, it’s very relatable. And the attempt, I think, is achieved cause you achieved the pattern. Yet, meta!
ReplyDeleteAlthough you wrote in a structure that uses a lot of repetition, your lines and poem did not feel repetitive (if that makes sense).
ReplyDeleteI especially loved the lines "You wish for once that you had something to say/ To smother the silence, to fill the world with words made of love." You perfectly encapsulated the feeling of wanting to say something but not knowing what to say or how to go about saying it!